Wednesday 4 May 2016
Inconsistency ...
Just realised i post once a year on average...I have never been able to systematically register events, or follow any system whatsoever. Is it a fault in my personality or just a fear of being committed. I do not know. I am not scared that someone might read it. The theory of probability states it is almost impossible that someone random can read it out of millions of other diary/ blog posts. So why i can not be more open and analytical with posting...may be it is time to make an attempt:)
The real woman is a nice one?
What does it mean to be a nice woman? I guess a nice one is a lovely, bubbly, smily, positive, leaving that cloud of "everything is so good and going to be even better in my world". And then people (read other females) either want to be like her or feel jealous and try to convince themselves and the others she is not what she looks like and she is actually not that nice at all because them themselves have none of these qualities and their comfort sone is constant bitterness.
For the start i do not like the word "lovely". Even more i do not understand its true meaning. From my observation it is the word women generally use when they want to say something bad about another one and use "lovely" with that poisonous intonation. But sounds all decent, doesn't it? "Oh, these brownies are lovely", (yeah... they are burnt on the top, dry and hard to chew); "Oh your hair looks.. lovely (yeah.. it looks like you washed it in acid and the colour is a bit.. odd). So when it is impossible to truly admire and enjoy the word "lovely" saves the fragile wold of woman's friendship. After a while it feels sickly as it looks like a a group of hypocrits curious in each other's failures, frantically collecting them in order to discuss them later in a smaller circle.
But this all comes from being not satisfied with what they are. And this is another big thing. It is hard to admit that all your life, all the actions you do, all the games you play, all these face expressions you use to behave appropriately now and then in accordance with the expectations of what you call "the society" is the pretending game which has nothing to do with what you really are deep in your soul. You might be working on your image of following the rules for so long, may be since a "little girl era" that you have forgotten what is real. Or even more scary you have never got the chance to know what was real as we, girls are forced to learn the rules from the very early age. And to live like this is really energy consuming. I guess the message is not to rebel against the rules and jumping into the chaos but may be finding the space to be yourself and discover your inner little or big strengths, celebrate you, and actually enjoy being you. Being you.....
For the start i do not like the word "lovely". Even more i do not understand its true meaning. From my observation it is the word women generally use when they want to say something bad about another one and use "lovely" with that poisonous intonation. But sounds all decent, doesn't it? "Oh, these brownies are lovely", (yeah... they are burnt on the top, dry and hard to chew); "Oh your hair looks.. lovely (yeah.. it looks like you washed it in acid and the colour is a bit.. odd). So when it is impossible to truly admire and enjoy the word "lovely" saves the fragile wold of woman's friendship. After a while it feels sickly as it looks like a a group of hypocrits curious in each other's failures, frantically collecting them in order to discuss them later in a smaller circle.
But this all comes from being not satisfied with what they are. And this is another big thing. It is hard to admit that all your life, all the actions you do, all the games you play, all these face expressions you use to behave appropriately now and then in accordance with the expectations of what you call "the society" is the pretending game which has nothing to do with what you really are deep in your soul. You might be working on your image of following the rules for so long, may be since a "little girl era" that you have forgotten what is real. Or even more scary you have never got the chance to know what was real as we, girls are forced to learn the rules from the very early age. And to live like this is really energy consuming. I guess the message is not to rebel against the rules and jumping into the chaos but may be finding the space to be yourself and discover your inner little or big strengths, celebrate you, and actually enjoy being you. Being you.....
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